Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
