I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
