Me. At least after what I've been through.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
