I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize