Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
