Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
