Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
