I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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