so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize