my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
