i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
