so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
