so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
