R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize