oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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