If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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