The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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