My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize