I look better un-naked...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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