Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
vagina is talking i cant
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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