college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
