if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
