You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Rumble strips road head = magical
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize