In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
