I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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