My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
