I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
