Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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