If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
