rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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