Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
birth control should be required to get into college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
