You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
