This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
