saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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