its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
