she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
