fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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