i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
