dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
