she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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