We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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