I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
