we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
