just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
