I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
