okay pat passed out under dana's car
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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