he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
