You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
