you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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