The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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