Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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