I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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