Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
