Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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