She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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