Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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