Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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