i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
