theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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