Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
