they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My ass is underappreciated
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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