dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk is not a location!
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