This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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