That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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