I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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