My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
