so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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