had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
