so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
