Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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