i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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