Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
