some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
