Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
