so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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